You believe that you have done so many horrible things that GOD could not possibly forgive you. One of the first things we are programmed to say is that “you don’t know what I have done”. But it does not matter if we know what you have done because GOD knows what you have done. Nothing you did or are doing is surprising HIM. HE knew that you would take this path long before HE created the heavens and the earth. What you need to know is that you have done nothing that you will not be forgiven of from GOD. JESUS made the first move by being put to death on the cross for you and then by coming back to life. Now it’s your turn to ask GOD to forgive you; desire to no longer want to practice doing what is displeasing to GOD any longer.
Humans have a promise from GOD that HE will forgive us when we ask. Return to the LORD your GOD and obey HIS voice (the scriptures). Teach your children to walk with GOD in obedience. Love GOD with all your heart and soul. GOD will bring you back from captivity; you may not realize that you are a captive. What you are is a captive to sin and you are being held captive by satin. GOD will gather you and prosper you.